Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
