My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
