Dual....:-)
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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