I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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