I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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