we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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