i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
dude. I can hear the air.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
