Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
