I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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