69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
