I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
