Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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