My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Fuck appropriateness.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
