If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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