i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
