peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That accounts for only three of the penises
me + whiskey = a bad person
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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