Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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