Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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