i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
