Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
