I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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