So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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