your room smells of hookers.
And success
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This house was built for laser tag.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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