Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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