Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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