you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
