Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
