I'm going to rape someone's good day.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
