I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
