I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
