I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
