I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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