Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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