Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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