It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I stole a fireplace last night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
