i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
