Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
