im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
