it's not cheating when I paid for it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
