you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
