Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
