Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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