i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
