i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
