respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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