you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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