awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize