I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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