It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sext me about skeletons
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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