I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
