I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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