Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
