I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
