i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
