No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
