she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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