yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
