are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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