Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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