Someone shit on the floor
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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