when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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