Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
