Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
