I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
