I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
