Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
