my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the condom got lost in my hair
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Randomize
