im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
