At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
