Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
