It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
