if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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